Appreciation

I thought it was about time I did one of these because I would be nowhere without these people. And after the day I've had, it's something I definitely feel the need to share right now. My immediate family have been absolute life savers in these darkest of times even while battling their own emotions and dealing with what is happening to me.

My parents

Well where on earth do I start? They only live in the next street (so convenient by the way, haha!) and they've been our life line. My dad got himself furloughed through lockdown and my mum doesn't work as she was going to be Nanna daycare for me when I went back to work after maternity leave.

Of course, health issues ensued and they stepped in to help get Izzy on to the bottle. My poor mum spent 8 hours with a screaming baby alone because nothing else we did worked. It was at the very end of that day that my dad and brother managed to get her to do it! 4 days before starting chemo.

When lockdown hit, they self isolated with us right away (apart from one hiccup in the beginning) but in their own home so that they could have the children if we needed them to as Gavin was having to still work from home and some days I just can't look after them by myself.

My brother

Lockdown hit Ryan quite hard and caused alot of stress for all of us as we weren't sure if he'd be able to be furloughed from work as he was still living with our parents and if he was going to and from work, it would mess up the isolation and my parents wouldn't be able to help with the children or we wouldn't be able to see any of them in person.

Also with me being told I'd only have 4 months to live, everyone was worried that would mean literally never seeing me again.

On top of all of this, he bought a house with his girlfriend which was vacant but they were waiting for a completion date. Sarah was working from her parents but with her mum being a carer and in and out of the house, Ryan sacrificed seeing her for a couple of months so that meant he could spend more time with me and allow our parents to support us. Of course to Sarah it was no contest and for that we thank her, too.

Their house sale eventually completed and Sarah moved in in May so she could isolate there. Ryan was able to go over and social distance and they decorated when they could. So now things are slowly being lifted I've expanded my "bubble" by a couple of people and as of 17th July he finally moved in to his own home.

And saving the best until last, my person...

My husband

There's been alot of bad days, more than anyone can count. From lost patience with the kids - mostly Izzy when she was really little, relationship struggles, depression, septic tonsils, and more bad news after bad news we're still together.

When you're the one fighting cancer, everyone forgets about the spouse. Horrible but it's true. People say they'll be there if you need them but what if you don't want to just chat about your wife having cancer? What if you just wanted to go for a walk with someone? Just to escape? "If you need anything, you know where I am" just becomes something you say. You get a million offers but when you actually need the escape, there's nobody to be found.

Since my diagnosis, Gav has continued to do his job and I don't know how he does it. He's a youth worker and before lockdown he was in schools doing counselling sessions with young kids and worked in youth centres. Listening to other people's problems while we were going through our own.

I know we took the classic vows the day we got married and he has never faltered. He has lived up to every single one. Through everything he has continued to love me unconditionally and always puts himself last, even at the cost of his own mental health. My body hang ups, my need to have everything done a specific way (and immediately), my tone when I talk to him, all of it.

I love him more than I possibly could have imagined to love anybody and I just couldn't ask for any better for our children.