I do my hair toss...

This is a bit of a hard one for me to share. Not so much due to the hair loss but because of the change in the rest of my appearance. I need to try and channel more energy into body positivity because a negative body image isn't something I want to pass down to the kids and I know that it is never how they will see me in person or in pictures.

So that brings me to my hair journey! I've put together a little gallery/timeline thing and I thought it was about time I talk about it. It was very hard to find a decent before picture which is why it's a bit of an oldie because the following year I became a part of the 'mum bun club'. Oh how I miss just having that option to shove my hair up!

As a female you don't actually realise how much your hair means to you until you know it's all going to change without your say so. A lot of women can feel like their hair defines them as feminine and I suppose as someone who had always had longer hair, I must've been one of them without even realising it.

When having chemotherapy, there is an option for a cold cap. To me it looks like a rather large scrum cap attached to a machine which you have to wear for a little time before your chemo session starts, to a little time after it ends. I can't imagine hours with it on is a joyful experience, but hey ho neither is chemo!

Personally, the cold cap wasn't an option for me as I heard the brain freeze and headaches weren't a pleasure and there was still 50% chance that it would fall out/thin anyway. Having just had a baby 4 months previously as well, I was going through the classic post-natal hair loss (which you can see from the pictures of the photoshoot with the kids.) This - and the weight of my hair being longer - made it fall out twice as quickly after my first session.

So I made the decision with the support of my husband, Gavin, to take back some sort of control and shave it off. Gav has super thick hair though so it grew back in about 2-3 days.

Isobel was still too young to notice any sort of difference but with Max I had about a minute of "no mum, no" and then a few minutes later it was all back to normal. He's taken everything in his stride through this and I couldn't be prouder.

Eyelashes and eyebrows took a little longer to fall out but they went eventually. That was super difficult for me because the size of my eyes is something I've usually been complimented on and having no eyelashes in my opinion made me actually look ill, even with a wig, and I didn't want to feel like I was being stared at.

Then just as my hair was starting to grow back in February, we went into March with the news of more metastases on the brain. The decision was then made by my team that when I had left breast radiotherapy, I would also get 2 sessions to the whole brain. I knew this meant I would lose the hair on my head all over again due to the targeted radiation.

Which brings me to today! Regrowth has begun again and my former bald baby patches are also starting to grow back through so it's a relief to know I'm not receeding.

To all of those people out there with body image hang-ups, remember that it is not how your loved ones will ever see you. ESPECIALLY your children. ♥️ You are loved, you are strong, you are beautiful.